This week’s high school carpool conversation featured BDSM because the term had been heard and a definition was requested. My answer, which skimmed lightly over any meaningful definition to focus on its consensual nature and sharp contrast to relationship violence, segued into a question about how I define healthy relationships. So yeah, at 7:07am as I merged across three lanes of Pacific Highway, I was explaining why, “If you loved me, you would…” is not *romantic* as every movie and song would have us believe, but actually a red flag. I need coffee on carpool day.