Because competitive parenting is not a real sport.
Every morning, after some form of eggs (because eggs are plentiful, healthy and I can cook them with the meager selection of tools available in my rental kitchen) and tropical fruit (to remind us all why we’re here), we walk a kilometer and a half from our apartment to Ana’s apartment, where we leave our... Continue Reading →
One of my friends, when I was in the throes of last-minute what-am-I-doing panic, sent me this pep-post: So here's how I see it: It's like bungee jumping... it sounds cool when you decide to do it, but then you have to put on that harness thing and that's totally outside your fashion and overall... Continue Reading →
I like to think of myself as this flexible, go-with-the-flow kind of gal. You know, who rolls with the punches and takes things in stride and all those other vaguely sports-oriented metaphors. It turns out, however, based on a forty-odd year track record of actual evidence, that I’m not. Which is one of the suck-y... Continue Reading →
Packing for a six-month trip is a challenging task, doubly so when you are a person who hates to schlep stuff. Like, hates it. I have this vivid memory of trying to navigate from the Gare de Lyon to the Gare de Something Else in Paris after a cross-country, cross-Atlantic red-eye with all my gear... Continue Reading →
James (pronounced HA-mez) Rodriguez is Colombia’s soccer star. We learned of him during the 2014 World Cup (known obviously to the more rabid fans of San Diego as La Copa Mundial or Copa del Mundo), where we religiously watched the Colombian games as a first step of cultural immersion. And it was a particularly immersive... Continue Reading →
There is an inordinate amount of bureaucracy involved in leaving for six months. The kind of bureaucracy that I usually avoid, with endless phone trees and twelve transfers to different representatives who don’t really know how to answer my questions. It is reinforcing for me the fact that what we’re doing is Unusual and Not... Continue Reading →
In our quest to get in the mood for Colombia, we watched Romancing the Stone with the kids last night. It’s set in Cartagena, and is rated PG, which seems to be unusual for movies set in Colombia. Most of our other options seem profoundly inappropriate for nine-year-old, featuring drug cartels and excessively violent death.... Continue Reading →
Poor Jack. The voice recognition software built into our Rosetta Stone Spanish program is designed for adult voices. He sits at the computer, his head engulfed by gigantic headphones, and tries to communicate with the program. “El nino esta infermo,” he says. “Dee-doo”: the sound of failure from Rosetta Stone. “El nino esta infermo,” he... Continue Reading →
It’s interesting how uncomfortable people are when we say that we’re not sure where we’re going yet. One friend literally asks, “Have you decided yet?” every time I see her. It’s as though, once we choose a destination, everything else will happen automatically. But choosing a country is just the beginning of our gigantic list... Continue Reading →
I had a bit of a breakdown during my junior year of college, if “breakdown” is the right work for an episode that ended with me not sleeping for six straight days and getting to know the staff of Psych Services quite well. It was triggered by a number of things. A boy, the first... Continue Reading →
Yesterday, I bought Rosetta Stone for Latin American Spanish. After the requisite 2.5 hours of downloading and tech assistance calls and starting over and setting up profiles, we had our first session when the kids got home from school. In the intervening 24 hours, they’ve each done about 8 hours of Spanish lessons. We had... Continue Reading →
Last night, at 3:30am, I woke up with my first full-blown panic about our plan. Of course it won’t work. We will be miserable and lonely. None of us will speak Spanish well enough to make friends. We will be stuck with the weirdo ex-pats that washed ashore in Central America. Retta will turn 12... Continue Reading →
I’ve decided that I should learn to speak Spanish before we leave on this trip, which I recognize is silly since that’s the entire *point* of us going. For twelve years, living in San Diego, I’ve tried to learn to speak Spanish. I bought 3 different teach-yourself-Spanish books but never made it past the “j... Continue Reading →
Today, I discovered Central American rental websites. It’s house porn, with adorable ESL moments. I found a great place in Leon, Nicaragua with “walking closets.” I can’t stop giggling at the image of waking up and wondering where my closet has wandered off to. But I can tell this is going to be a problem.... Continue Reading →
Most parents when faced with an idea of this magnitude might wait until it was a done deal, until the research was completed and the budgets were prepared, to tell their children. Eric and I lasted three days. We are not good at secrets. I’m not sure our Lonely Planet Central America had even arrived... Continue Reading →
Anyone who has been in long-term relationship knows the trigger phrases. They are the words that, when they come out of your partner’s mouth, the world freezes. All senses go on high alert. “This is it,” you think. “Here it comes.” In my marriage, the trigger phrase is, “Hey, so I had this kind of... Continue Reading →
The World's Okayest Mom 